The Great Sock Conspiracy

Life is full of mysteries. Is there life in outer space? What about Bigfoot, and the Lochness Monster, myth or real? Is the glass half full or half empty? Does the tree really make a sound if it falls in the forest with no one around to hear it? Some of these mysteries are better left unsloved, because they keep us curious, and broaden our imagination. But then there are the mysteries in which their only purpose is to make us miserable, and to try and solve them can cause one their insanity. One of these mysteries is one familiar to us all. What happens to the other sock? Because of my wife's choice to recently rejoin the work field, I have found myself doing things I am not qualified doing. Things such as cleaning, cooking, and yes, operating the washing machine. My normal routine is putting the socks in the hamper, then shortly after transfer them to the washer, then to the dryer. But sonewhere in between these duties something mysterious happens. I usually start the process with a pair of socks, but when the process is completed for some of these pairs are reduced to a single sock. For instance, my most recent wash, nearly half of the pairs I washed, ended up in that great sock divorce. Where did they go? How did they get there? and why, why do so many socks diappear? Well, I have an answer. Are you ready for this? Brace yourself for what your about to hear. I beleive it all has to do with the "Great Sock Conspiracy".

We all have our suspicions about the phone company, and the post office. Recent security efforts, and satelite enhancements make nothing sacred anymore. We are being watched people, and now I want to introduce you to a new conspiracy. This conspiracy is a work of the I.S.R.A. Yes that's what I said folks, the International Sock Retrieval Agency. The work of this agency is to retrieve as many socks as they can for their classified purposes. But I, yes I your trusty blogger, I am on to them and am about to reveal to you thier greatest secrets. I will now attempt to answer the how, where, and why which motivates this conspiracy.

First of all, the how and a part of where. The I.S.R.A. are big players in the washing machine and clothes dryer industries, they own stock in most all companies. Their only involvement however in the manufacturing of the machine, is to install secret and unidentifiable portals in both washing machines and dryers (personally, I think they have them installed in hampers as well). These portals serve as transporting stations much like those seen in star trek episodes, where do you think they got the idea. The socks are then beamed up into the atmosphere for about three or four hours, and eventually end up in a classified warehouse somewhere in Iceland (I mean who would ever suspect there). There they are cleaned, only the ones from the hampers, they are sorted, and then packed to be delivered to thier next destination.

This leads us to the last part of the where, and the why. The locations of the socks then vary, to at least two different places for different uses. At least that's what my sources as well as good common sense tells me. The most obvious place where the odd socks go is to bargain shops and dollar stores. These store owners are also part of the conspiracy. Before you think i'm one goal short of a hat trick, just think about it, as I explain. During the Christmas shopping chaos, my wife and I visited one of these stores. And what a deal we got on socks, five pair for a dollar. Really, how could they do that if they didn't get thier socks dirt cheap, or say FOR FREE!!! They were good quality socks as well. As you are pondering that, just let me throw more fuel on the fire. Ever wonder why you can't keep a pen in the house or office, and why they disappear faster than Tiger Woods at the notion of an interview. It's because of the conspiracy. You can find your pens at the dollar store. Why, you might ask, would they only take one sock and not the pair. Because they want to break us and drive us nuts. Before you write me off as a basket case, just think about it.

The second where and why is, they are kept in the classified sock ware house, just until the moment we have given up hope of finding the lost sock, and any hopes of a great sock reunion. And just the moment the garbage truck rolls away with the bag of garbage containing the poor lonely odd sock inside, BAM, the portal reopens, and guess who returns to reassure our hair falls out, or turns gray before its time; the prodical sock returns. Why? Just to drive us crazy, because how would our governments ever prosper if we were saner than they are. It's a conspiracy I tell you, just think about it.

There you have it, the great sock conspiracy revealed. If you don't hear from me in a while, it's because I probably got to them, and one of two things happened. Either I have been taken and imprisoned by these barbarians, or I am in hiding, living in South America somewhere, growing coffee, and going by the name Jose, Julio, or Bubba. But at least you now know where the socks go. I have this information from really good sources, from the voices inside my head. Until next time (lets hope there is a next time), if you want to keep your socks as a pair, I suggest hand washing, and blow drying them.